Iron Man VS Lex Luthor (Marvel VS DC) | DEATH BATTLE!Articles . Blog
This episode of Death Battle is brought to you by SGC: The GREATEST party in Gaming. Going down July 17 – 19 in Frisco, Texas. Head to SGConvention.com for more details. [Wiz] Technology! It improves our lives, lets you watch cool shows on the Internet, and sometimes it can help you to rival gods. [Boomstick] Like with Iron Man, the Armored Avenger, [Wiz] And Lex Luthor, archnemesis of Superman. [Boomtick] He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. W – And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE! W – There are the talented… there are the prodigies… and then, there’s Anthony Edward Stark. B – Please! He prefers Tony. W – Howard and Maria Stark ruled a $9 billion military-tech empire. They could have anything they ever wanted. Except a child. B – Then Howard met AN ALIEN who decided to build a baby for them. W – Fearing humanity would perish to more advanced alien races, this child was genetically engineered to lead the world to a new tech age. BUUUTT that was Arno Stark. We don’t speak of him. When Howard and Maria were disappointed with what they created, they adopted Tony instead. B – Yup! That’s the SECRET origin to Tony Stark. Didn’t see that coming did ya? W – Despite not being the alien-engineered child of prodigy, Tony’s gifted intelligence and world-changing destiny were obvious at an early age. He graduated from MIT with top honors, and a Physics and Engineering double major, when he was just 19 years old. B – But since this is a superhero origin, it wasn’t long before tragedy struck. And by struck I mean a car crash, and by tragedy I mean his parents. So all of a sudden, Tony was an orphan. But on the bright side, it also made him sole heir of Stark Industries. Nice. W – With the entire family fortune at his fingertips, Tony pursued a life of reckless indulgence and mechanical tinkering. War was his income, and he enjoyed every bit of it… until the day his eyes were opened. B – Yeah! Opened with a shrapnel-filled irony bomb! W – Held captive by terrorists in Afghanistan, Tony learned the bomb left shrapnel in his heart, which would kill him in a week. The terrorists gave Tony an ultimatum: construct weapons for them and receive treatment, or be left to die. B – But being Tony Stark, he chose door #3. He built a space-age pacemaker to save his own life. And then built a mech suit around it, and murdered his way to freedom! This taught Stark one of life’s most important lessons. Heroes aren’t born… they’re built. A lesson that also made for a pretty sweet tagline. Tony – My turn. W – But Tony’s heart was changed in more ways than one that day. Upon returning to America, he nullified all weapons development at Stark Industries, and dedicated his life to saving the world. In his is own way. B – Yeah, we’re not talking like, just donating to charity and being kind to your neighbor. Tony became a one man army of justice. And began creating a new and improved armored suit that the public would eventually dub… Iron Man. And then he made another one. And another one. And another. Another- and then he made like a shitload more! W – The Iron Man suits are numerous, but they typically come with a common base set of tools. Generally composed of a gold-titanium alloy, his standard suits have the strength to lift up to 100 tons, fly at supersonic speeds, and come with an on-board intelligence system called JARVIS, which controls his weaponry and can summon other suits at his beck and call. B – And for good measure, these babies come loaded head-to-toe with weaponry. I’m talking shoulder-mounted darts, anti-tank missiles, an E.M.P, and the Iron Man staple: laser beams! W – These replusor blasts draw power from the reactor in Tony’s chest or chestpiece (depending on the time period), to fire high-mass negatively-charged muons as a concussive energy attack. Most commonly, these are fired from the palms of his suit. B – But if the situation calls for a bit more firepower, he can blast an even larger beam directly from his chest piece. UNI-BEAM! W – All these features come standard in his most often used suit: Model 13, the Modular Armor. B – This armor specializes in adaptability, allowing Tony to swap out its individual pieces for ones suited to the mission at hand. Oh, and it also has an extra casing known as Iron Man Armor, Model 14. But you can just call it… HULK BUSTER! As the name implies, this upgrade was built to contend with one of the universe’s strongest beings. With a combination of magnetic and hydraulic technology, in addition to the strength of the Modular Armor, the Hulk Buster can deliver FAR more powerful punches and hold its ground against the Incredible Hulk, who is strong enough to lift a 150 BILLION TON MOUNTAIN! B – But his most advanced armor yet comes in the form of his Endo-Sym armor. Part metal, part scary space-alien parasite, Tony can summon it telepathically, use it to imprison his foes, and even suck up electromagnetic fields. Mmmm. Electricity. W – It can tank hits from Storm’s lightning, and shoot repulsor beams so powerful they can injure metahumans, who are normally able to absorb energy. B – Although Tony is a mere man who finds himself fighting with and against unimaginably powerful beings, he has proven time and time again that technology can compete with
the world’s greatest superheroes. W – He can survive blows from Thor’s hammer, hold his own against Captain America, and move faster than an extremis-enhanced superhuman’s eye can track. B – Not to mention his suit can actually learn and predict its opponent’s next move. And withstand the fury of SEVERAL NUCLEAR BOMBS! DO NOT underestimate the Golden Avenger. W – That being said, for all their power, the Iron Man suits are hardly flawless. B – They’ve been known to malfunction
in life-threatening ways, and consume too much power too quickly, leaving Tony helpless. W – Tony frequently pushes his suit and his body to their absolute limits, and past them. And his reckless head-first mentality is responsible for landing him IN trouble, just as much as it is for getting him OUT of it. This had led to him setting
off a civil war between superheroes, and pissing off the all-powerful Phoenix Force into killing Charles Xavier. B – WHAT! CHARLES?! But he’s the Iron Man. W – AND, he once built a device capable of releasing 20,000 MEGATONS of atomic energy! That’s 3 times more than all of the Earth’s known nuclear weapons combined. B – And then he just blasted it straight into the ground! All because he wanted to see what was at the Earth’s core. W – It… didn’t work out. But Tony’s most diabolical nemesis isn’t The Mandarin, or even Ultron. It’s his lifelong battle with alcoholism. *Beer can opens*
B – Did you say something? W – Superman is among the most powerful characters in all of fiction. He can destroy planets, withstand supernovas, and fly faster than light itself. B – What kind of person could possibly be the archnemesis to someone like him? They’d have to be, like, a god made of magic Kryptonite. Lex – WRONG! W – Nope. Just a mortal man with a passion for business, swindling, and green trenchcoats: Lex Luthor. Alexander Joseph Luthor began his rise to the top from the very bottom. As a child, he lived in a run down section of Metropolis called ‘The Suicide Slum’. Yes, it was that bad. Under abusive parents, it was only by sheer willpower that Lex moved on to a better life. B – Yeah. Willpower and some good old-fashioned social Darwinism. His parents died in a car crash
when their car’s brakes failed, leaving Lex alone. Don’t feel bad for a second! He used their life insurance money to get out of the ghetto and start his own company. And he’s the one who rigged their brakes!! W – Although founded through some… legally questionable means, the infamous LexCorp successfully spread its influence throughout virtually all of Metropolis. In time, Lex came to practically run the city itself. Taking ownership of nearly every media outlet, Luthor’s positive public image went practically unopposed. B – But everything changed when the man of tomorrow showed up. W – In Lex’s eyes, Superman was
a massive issue for mankind. If humans no longer had to solve problems themselves, they would surely become a weaker race, completely dependent upon this otherworldly savior. B – So, Lex began his crusade
to remove him from the equation. And then, properly insert himself as the ruler of humanity. W – Lex is a cunning strategist and mechanical genius, who prefers to place his opponents in unwinnable situations. However, if physical strength is required, he dons the mighty War Suit. Lex – Must I remind you of my superiority? W – The War Suit is a powerful battle armor created by Superman’s other archnemesis: the alien god known as Darkseid. And it’s been further enhanced by Luthor’s own designs. B – Forged in the fiery pits of Apokolips, Lex’s War Suit is no ordinary piece of machinery, despite its… less than sleek appearance. It comes equipped with forcefields, gauntlet blades, a giant Kryptonite axe, and energy blasts powered by Kryptonite generators. W – It can also fly, and has enough strength and durability to go up against Superman himself. B – Despite how capable the War Suit is, you may feel it has an obvious weak spot. THE GIANT HOLE WHERE HIS HEAD IS! But ol’ cue ball’s chrome dome is actually protected by an invisible forcefield. He just wants his opponents to know EXACTLY who’s beating the shit out of them. Lex – Hello, sunshine. W – Lex’s weaponry goes beyond an alien metal suit. In addition to his brilliant strategic mind, he has also surrounded the Earth with DOZENS of satellites bearing his name. B – Their purpose? A gigantic game of space laser hot-potato. [concussive blast] [Lex screams] [explosive boom with earth cracking slightly] W – Being a genius multi-billionaire, it’s no surprise that Lex’s accomplishments match the expectations. He’s equalled Deathstroke in combat, stabbed Supergirl, snapped Braniac’s neck, and defeated Powergirl in a single stroke. B – You can’t blame him. I mean, I don’t think any one can handle more than a single stroke with Powergirl – W – HOWEVER, W – Lex is not solely dependent on his War Suit. He sometimes subjects himself to a Kyptonite steroid, which has made him much stronger than an ordinary human, capable of surviving wounds nobody reasonably should. B – Yeah! Like the time when a giant gorilla shot him in the chest with a sniper rifle, knocking him out of a helicopter, off the edge of a cliff, and landing head first in a canyon. He was up and banging his robot chick in like a day! Oh, yeah. He built a robot version of Lois Lane for you know… sex and murder. W – Because Lex always wants what he cannot have. And his know-how with robotics goes past insane and into absurd! While confined to a prison cell, he built a talking, flying robot, that reads Moby Dick at such a high frequency it carved an escape route through THE FLOOR ITSELF! Including perfectly shaped stairs. B – But most diabolical of all, when no one was looking, Lex Luthor took forty cakes. He took 40 cakes Wiz! That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible. W – Strange thing is, that’s… actually… officially… canon. B – Bastard! Luthor’s hatred of Superman and drive to win are stronger than any machine he can create. Take, for example, the time Superman threw a satellite at LexCorp tower, bringing the building down on top of poor old Lex. This left the guy with half his face ripped off, all four limbs blasted away, and he was impaled in five different places. EVEN LIKE THAT he still refused Superman’s help. Wiz, if that ever happens to me, do me a solid and kill yourself in front of me, so my dream of outliving you is complete. W – Never gonna happen. But it’s also that same cocky independence that serves as Lex’s greatest downfall. W – When he merged with the Zone Child… B – WHOA! W – I-It’s not what you think. He gained, and I quote: “infinite power”. B – And a secure spot on somebody’s watch list. W – The only catch was he could not use this power to harm others. But because all he wanted to do was kill Superman, he tried it anyway. B – So Superman straight up punched the god out of him. W – Well, that’s hardly accurate.
B – C’mon! How else would you describe THAT?? W – Fair enough. Even so, when the Earth is threatened, you can count on Lex Luthor to look his enemies in the eye and fight for his people. …And then exploit the hell out of them afterwards. Lex – You know what happens when you take on Lex Luthor?! [gunshots] [empty clicking] [punching noise] The same thing that’s gonna happen to Superman! [alien groans between hits] W – Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all. B – But first! We don’t want you to have horrible, Earth shattering regret by missing the best party in gaming. So we’re gonna tell you about it. SGC, the GREATEST party in gaming is back to rock the South-West for its 5th year. Hosted by Screw Attack, SGC is an event that you don’t wanna miss out on. We’re talking 3 days of non-stop gaming in our massive free-play arcade and console game room. TONS of panels with your favourite Internet celebrities, including: PeanutButterGamer Rooster Teeth Funhaus ProJared Kinda Funny Even a Dragon Ball Z Funimation voice actors reunion! Where you’ll be able to meet your favourite voices like: Goku, Vegeta and more! Not to mention we’re hosting a Death Battle Panel. Where we’ll be showing an all new, highly requested episode LIVE! And that’s just scratching the surface of what SGC has to offer! So don’t miss out on the fun and excitement! Head over to SGConvention.com using the link in the description. And pre-order your ticket now! But first, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE! [mumbling on a radio] [more radio mumbling] [scanner beeping] Engaging target. [multiple gunshots] [single electric shot] AHH! ♪ Iron Man Armoured Adventures Theme Song plays ♪ JARVIS – Sir, we have a visitor. *Alarms sound* Lex – All clear. *Laughs* What a joke. Tony – Hands off, baldy! What’s that you got there? Oh yeah. It’s mine. I’ll send you the bill. JARVIS – Actually sir, I should probably remind you. The contents of this warehouse belong to Miss Potts. Tony – Pepper? JARVIS – I’ll forward the estimated damages fee to her account. Tony – Great. Be discreet about it.
JARVIS – Once of us has to be. *Lex laughs* Lex – Remember my face, Stark. It’ll be the last thing you ever see. JARVIS – His systems are confusing my targeting. Also, adding 2 million to your charges. Tony – Not now, JARVIS! What have we got here? JARVIS – I am having difficulty determining the suit’s alloy. Alien perhaps. *Lex laughs* Lex – My suit is invincible! Tony – How about this part?! Lex – I though you were smart. Tony – Hey. You’re the one who looks like a giant rusty trash can with legs. No judging. JARVIS – Sir. I estimate that will be a $583 million fee. Tony – Whoa! Whoa, whoa! That one’s on him. Tony – Here we go. Activate the E.M.P. Lex – Gah! What? Impossible! Tony – Alright! Come to momma! Heave ho! Luther – Wait, is that the Bat- JARVIS – That one might actually make a dent in your wallet. Tony – What are you talking about? It’s just a car. Seriously!? What kind of car was that? Where do I get one of those? Lex – Wake up sunshine.
JARVIS – Watch your left. Lex – Thanks for the fun, Stark. It was… smashing. Tony – No problem, pal. Thanks for the suit. *Lex laughs* JARVIS – That current damaged your battery. Power is at 15% and dropping fast. I recommend a new plan of attack. Tony – I have a plan. ATTACK. *Lex laughs gleefully*
JARVIS – Power at 10%. Lex – You call that power? Hah. You are nothing. Tony – JARVIS, re-route all power to the arm and leg hydraulics. Lex – I have seen TRUE power. And you are nothing more than another ant to crush under my- How about that. Tony – Goodnight cue ball. Tony – What’s going on!?
JARVIS – We’re out of power. Tony – Ugh, figures! Lex – Fool. You’re just like all the rest. Building a suit to save the world. Trying to play God. Let me tell you something Stark! There’s only one man in the world fit to play such a role! Me. Tony – I dunno Lex. Being a god can’t be TOO hard. I mean, I’m the most intelligent, capable person on the planet. I’m not playing God. All this time… I’ve been playing human. I’ll take this. Lex – What? What… did you take!? Tony – Everything. Here’s the big one! That was Pepper’s building wasn’t it? JARVIS – Phone call from Miss Potts. Tony – Tell her I’m not here. I’m uh… jogging! JARVIS – Already answered, sir.
Pepper – Tony? Tony – Hi Pepper! How are you? Pepper – Why did JARVIS just deposit $5 billion for – *THUD* collateral damage? Tony – I’m not here. I’m… jogging. Boomstick – Bullseye! Wiz – Both Tony and Lex possessed incredible pieces of technology, but only one was naturally prepared for anything. Although it’s true that Lex could trade blows with Superman in his War Suit, the only reason he ever lasted as long as he did is because many of its weapons were based on Kryptonite. Great for battling Kryptonians, only OK against everybody else. B – Yes, the War Suit could take hits from Superman, making it more than a match for even the Hulk Buster’s power. But even against the very enemy it was designed to kill, the War Suit only lasts so long. W – Iron Man’s greatest advantage was being able to adapt his strategy by remotely summoning and changing suits. The Endo-Sym in particular could counter nearly anything Lex could throw at it. B – Plus Iron Man has FAR more actual combat experience. Lex treated physical combat as a last resort. Beneath him; while Tony straight up enjoys it. Lex just wasn’t suited for this battle. W – The winner is Iron Man! B – Next time on Death Battle! W – Did you enjoy this episode? Of course you did! Please click that ‘like’ button and subscribe to our channel for more Death Battle. B – But right now, click the images on your screen to check out 1 minute melee: Megaman VS Samus. And Desk of Death Battle on Spiderman. That shit is crazy. Plus… maybe we’ll feed our intern. W – Thanks for watching!
Written by Brian Rohrer
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