Beauty and the Beast (2017) – Nostalgia Critic

♫ Channel Awesome theme ♫ ♫ Beauty and the Beast-style music ♫ ♫ Tale as old as time ♫ ♫ Stale as it can be ♫ ♫ Recycled and tame ♫ ♫ So much more the same ♫ ♫ Unfortunately ♫ ♫ Maybe just a change ♫ ♫ Singers that aren’t fake ♫ ♫ But the suits are scared ♫ ♫ No one is prepared ♫ ♫ Disney’s bland remake ♫ ♫ All of it’s the same ♫ ♫ Never a surprise ♫ ♫ But you’ll watch it all ♫ ♫ ‘Cause Disney’s got your balls ♫ ♫ At the critics’ side ♫ ♫ Even what is new ♫ ♫ Makes no freakin’ sense ♫ ♫ Really goddamn odd ♫ ♫ The film viewers forgot ♫ ♫ What wasn’t half as dense ♫ ♫ Certain as the cash ♫ ♫ The studio will rake ♫ ♫ Hear a second time ♫ ♫ Songs played for rewind ♫ ♫ Disney’s bland remake ♫ ♫ Who cares if it blows? ♫ ♫ We’re rolling in the dough ♫ ♫ Disney’s bland remake ♫ Oh, well, that’s, uh… Oh, wow. ♫ Nostalgia Critic theme song ♫ Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to. And welcome to the final installment of Disney Live Action Remake Month. emotionless humming [la… la la la laaaaa -ugh- la la la la laa] For the final one, let’s talk about one of Disney’s most beloved animated films, if not their most beloved animated film, Beauty and the Beast. With its amazing animation, stunning music, and unforgettable characters, it received a standing ovation at the New York Film Festival, was the first animated movie to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar, and is regarded by many to be one of the best animated movies ever, if not the best. Yeah, remake that shit. The story of Beauty and the Beast has been told countless times. They range from quick children’s cash-ins to unbelievably adult and mature to quick children’s cash-ins. Despite it making a boat-load of cash, audiences seem split on this remake. Some say it just told the same story minus the fresh take and joy, others say it’s a charming that captures the magic of the original. I say.. you´re full of shit-knocks. Is there any wiggle room for those purists that love the original so much? There’s a lot to talk about, so let’s get right to it. This is the live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast. Oh look, they changed the logo again. Remember when that used to be clever and unique? Even the slight changes to the Disney format are becoming formulaic. As before, we get a backstory about a selfish prince who threw parties for only the most beautiful people in white bed sheets. Madame de Garderobe: ♫ Oh, how divine ♫ ♫ Glamour, music, and magic combine ♫ NC: Wow. That singing is beautif- Don’t get used to it. Ever as before, literally line for line, an old woman knocks on the door and asks for shelter, offering him a single rose as payment. Enchantress: But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances. When he dismissed her again, the old- NC: But he didn’t dismiss her again. She just started glowing and he backed off. Literally, a stained glass window is being more consistent than you right now. As punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast. Like, seriously, the CGI on him was hideous. Enchantress: The prince and his servants were forgotten by the world, for the enchantress had erased all memory of them. NC: Yes, that’s how we handled that plot hole. But fear not, we will create many more to confuse you. The title is shown just like in the last film, Belle’s home is shown just like in the last film, and the same song with the same angelic voice is sung, just like in the last fi- Belle: ♫ Little town ♫ NC: Uh, ooh, yeah, note three, you lost me after note three. Belle: ♫ Full of little people ♫ NC: And you’re clearly trying not to get me back. Belle: ♫ The same old bread and rolls to sell ♫ NC: I’ve done a whole editorial about Emma Watson’s painful auto-tuning and lack of emotion But don’t worry, the auto-tuning disappears when she talks. The lack of emotion, on the other hand… Belle: I didn’t want to come back. Have you got any new places to go? NC: Actually, maybe her whole performance is auto-tuned. Belle: ♫ There must be more than ♫ NC: Dah duh duh okay, no more auto-tuning. Christ, you sound like Stephen Hawking’s voice box. So Belle is not only a bookworm, but the only bookworm in town… Père Robert: If it isn’t the only bookworm in town! NC: I’m so glad they decided to humanize her with more faults. But even that’s not impressive as there’s only twelve books in this library-slash-church…? That’s like saying you’re a movie buff if you’ve only seen eight films and they’re all Pure Flix. Belle: ♫ Ooohhh ♫ NC: Yah, okay, I’ll buy it, just stop singing. Sound like Tina from Bob’s Burgers. Belle/Tina: ♫ Ooohhh ♫ / Uuuhhhhh NC: Of course, we see the handsome Gaston has the hots for Belle, having just returned from battle. Gaston: Ever since the war, I’ve felt like I’ve been missing something. NC: This creative choice adds a lot to his story and character because… I dunno, it’s something different. Something you’ll notice very quickly is while the song numbers clearly have a lot of work put in to them, they still somehow seem slow and lifeless. Belle/Townsfolk: ♫ Good day/Mais oui/You call this bacon?/What lovely flowers ♫ Townsfolk/Gaston: ♫ Some cheese/Ten yards!/One pound/Excuse me/I’ll get the knife♫ NC: The original has the advantage of being animated, it can exaggerate everything and get the timing perfect, practically leaping off the screen. But still, why does it seem like there’s so little energy here? Original Townsmen: ♫ Look there she goes, that girl is so peculiar ♫ Remake Townsmen: ♫ Look there she goes, that girl is so peculiar ♫ NC: Well, if I can borrow from another terrible cinematic musical… As bad as Greatest Showman got, it still was quite a spectacle when it came to the musical numbers. This is because not only is the movement keeping the energy up, but so are the camera angles, the editing, and what’s being focused on. The majority of beats in every song have something visual keeping you connected to it. ♫…go?/Where it’s covered in all the colored lights ♫ ♫ We light it up, we won’t come down ♫ NC: This is just people walking around, and it’s shot, edited, and feels like people just walking around. Townsfolk: ♫ Look there she goes, that girl is strange but special ♫ ♫ A most peculiar mademoiselle ♫ NC: Also, Belle is the only one who wore blue in the original, helping her stand out. Here? Who gives a shit, she’s from Harry Potter, that’s interesting enough. Wonderful book you have there. Belle: Have you read it? Gaston: Uh well, not that one, but you know, books… NC: Much like the script, I didn’t read it. Look out! The one good scene in the movie! Maurice: ♫ How does a moment last forever? ♫ ♫ How can a story never die?♫ NC: I’m serious, this addition, though not sung very well, is filled with so much heart and emotion. In this one scene, through lyrics, paintings, and expressions, we know who he’s singing about and what she meant to our leads without specifically addressing her. Belle: Please, just tell me one more thing about her. NC: Except when they do. Belle: Papa, do you think I’m odd? Maurice: Odd? NC: You were forgettably bland, odd would be a step up. Maurice: Back in Paris, I knew a girl like you who was so… different. People mocked her. Belle: Please, just tell me one more thing about her. Maurice: Your mother was… NC: Say it, say it… Maurice: Fearless. NC: Odd! It should’ve been odd! He said how much he admires uniqueness and how being odd isn’t bad. My heart was *this* close to melting and what did you go with? Maurice: Fearless. Heart: Oh wow, I’m instantly gonna forget about this scene. NC: Right?! Maurice: So… What can I bring you from the market? NC: The market? In the original, it was the fair. She was just at the market! Why the hell are you traveling a great distance for what’s literally in your front yard? Is it Wal-Market? Are the prices so good they’re worth traveling for? Belle: A rose, like the one in the painting. Maurice: You ask for that every year. NC: Okay, bring me a hairy CGI man with a rose, if we wanna hammer this in. And so, to add even more dimension to humanizing Belle, she apparently invents the washing machine. Yeah, that’s a thing. Village Lass: What are you doing? Belle: Laundry. NC: Wow, Belle really is Jesus! In that Jesus invented the chair, clearly established in “The Passion.” Aren’t these two popular enough you don’t have to have them invent shit? Now in the original, Belle is seen as odd because she’s a bookworm that keeps to herself. But seeing how that was the kid’s version and this one wants to be more adult, let’s spell it out even more! Nasty Headmaster: What on Earth are you doing? Teaching another girl to read? Isn’t one enough? Clothilde: We have to do something. NC: I’m gonna write up a plan to get her back, that is, if I knew how to read or write. They do have an evil plan, though – they knock over her washing machine! And it’s really not shot like a big deal, it’s only a few seconds, they don’t even focus on her looking angry. I actually feel more sorry for this guy, the attention seems to be focused on him. When will people just let women use washing machines?! My God, that sounds sexist, Beauty and the Beast. Gaston approaches Belle and suggests they become an item, but Belle turns down his wedding proposal despite him never giving a wedding proposal. Gaston: Some of us have changed. Belle: I’m never going to marry you, Gaston. I’m sorry. NC: Now, of course, in the original we see the beginnings of Gaston’s cruel nature and Belle’s frustration reaching her peak. Here it’s… just another scene. Yeah, look at how angry he looks in the original. He says Belle’s going to be his wife, he marches off super angry after getting this whole big wedding proposal thing put together; Here, there’s none of that. He looks more like, “I’m in the mood for nachos, mmm maybe pizza, no, nachos!” Belle even goes into her big “Madame Gaston” song and it doesn’t feel warranted. You see, time passed in the original, so you can feel the emotions rising even when they’re not onscreen. It also allowed for a location change so you’re not getting tired of looking at the same place for too long. But in this order, not only are we stuck in the village for longer than we need to be, but Belle just comes across as bland whining after bland whining. There’s no break from it. Belle: ♫ I want adventure in the great wide somewhere ♫ NC: Yeah, along with your mother back, your father talking about her more, girls reading, patenting your washing machine, a rose, Gaston not asking you to marry him even though he didn’t ask you to marry him. A word of advice, don’t smile when you’re singing what you’re frustrated about. I’d say that’s child actor stuff, but you were a child actor! Belle’s father gets lost on his way to presumably the greatest market in the world, and stumbles across the Beast’s castle. He finds it’s filled with all sorts of nightmare utensils, oh, I mean, charming little friends, as he’s intimidated by the place and escapes. Maurice: Wait, wait, wait, roses. I nearly forgot. I promised Belle a rose. NC: I mean, sure this place is haunted and I was fleeing for my life, but a rose! When am I gonna come across that? The Beast captures the father though, as the horse goes back to Belle and she demands that she’s taken to him. Pleasant weather, then horrendous winter? I must be in Chicago! Such a wide range of expression from Watson, isn’t it? In the animated one, she holds her father’s belonging close to her and looks worried. Here, she doesn’t even glance at the damn thing, it just looks like she’s been asked a hard math question. “What’s the square root of 329? Ohhh…” It gets even better when she finds her father locked up and the Beast confronts her. The film takes what was an emotional moment of fear and discovery and almost fast forwards through it. Look at the time it takes for every character to come to their decision. Belle has to think before offering up her life, Beast has to think before realizing he may have a way out of his damnation. The reveal of him is slow, letting her reaction sink in to what she’s about to do. But that movie was an hour and a half and this is but a mere two hours, ten minutes, we gotta bullet point this shit! Quickly offering up her life, Belle: Punish me, not him! *ding* Check. Quickly revealing the Beast. *ding* Check. Quickly having Beast realize what this could mean- Oh, we didn’t even have time for that. Okay, whatever, emotions are secondary in a romance. Why else would they show Beast and Belle together as little as possible? Not even kidding. Remember when the Beast sees her crying and feels bad and then decides to give her a nicer room while also being domineering? How he’s trying to be sympathetic, showing some emotion, but losing it again when he brings up the West Wing, establishing a mysterious connection to it? *deep breath* Going back and forth establishing what a tortured character he is, trying to be kind but he’s too filled up with anger from years of isolation? *deep breath* Making Belle’s environment all the more uncertain and frightening? Making the danger, fear, and captivity feel all the more real? All gone! Yes, really. Now, it’s Cogsworth and Lumière doing all that because they didn’t give them much time earlier for whatever reason. We don’t even have a breakdown from Belle realizing the sacrifice she made. She just walks blandly through the palace with no fear, no intimidation, no nothing. Oh, but don’t worry though, the Beast is even less interesting. Even taking away how distracting his CGI is, even though it *originally* was going to be makeup, it’s like Superman’s CGI upper lip – except it’s the whole thing! But listen to this line from the original: Lumière: Have you thought that perhaps this girl could be the one to break the spell? Beast: Of course I have! I’m not a fool. Well, guess who god damn is? Beast: She’s the daughter of a common thief! This Beast hates that she’s in a nicer room, roaming around the castle, and has to be told that she’s the one that could possibly break the spell. Beast: You’re making her dinner?! You gave her a bedroom?! It’s the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard! Charm the prisoner! NC: Okay, look, the other Beast is a brute, but he still has some connection to an emotional, intelligent human being. That’s what Belle has to discover. This one’s just a dumbass. He’s not intriguing, he’s not smart, there’s no sympathy, so there’s no relating to him. Between both their lack of being invested in anything, I think the real couple I want to see get together in this is these two. ♫ Nostalgia Critic short outro music ♫ ♫ Nostalgia Critic short intro music ♫ NC: So a mere forty-three minutes in and we’re finally introduced to Mrs. Potts, God, I love how this movie is structured, as we’re given, frankly, a confusing connection between the credenza and the wardrobe. Lumière: Maestro, your wife is upstairs, finding it harder and harder to stay awake. She’s counting on you to help us break this curse! NC: Literally, that one line is the only thing that shows those two characters have a relationship. Do *you* follow it? Why is she tired? What does it mean that she’s tired? Why is she upstairs? Don’t they see each other or talk to each other at all? The place is big enough that they could work out something. We see her come to the balcony, and the stairs seem big enough to support either of them. Why don’t they see each other at all? You know, I already have one romance with a ton of plot holes I don’t care about, don’t try to shoehorn in another. Belle is shown the dining room and we partake, of course, in the big showstopper, “Be Our Guest.” Lumière: ♫ As the dining room proudly presents- ♫ NC: Our leftovers. In every meaning of the word. The music number is honestly okay, despite Ewan McGregor as Lumière is something like a drunk Pepé Le Pew – Lumière: ♫ Go on, unfold your menu, take a glance and then ♫ ♫ You’ll be our guest! ♫ NC: But because there’s no real fear or danger built up, this doesn’t feel as much as levity as much as obligation. We’re not doing this to lift the emotional intensity Belle has gone through, because, you know, that would require an emotion out of Belle, they’re doing it because it’d be crazy not to do a song this popular. Plus, more creepy teapot faces. Am I gonna drink out of you or are you gonna drink out of me? It even ends kind of awkward. Lumière: Pudding? Belle: *nervous laugh* Belle: I don’t understand why you’re all being so kind to me. Surely you’re as trapped here as I am. NC: Why did you need that weird cut? In the original, she says “That was great, why don’t we look around the castle?” It was an easy segue. It would’ve been easy to have that before she walks through the rooms of sculpted tentacle porn to the West Wing. *gasp* Oh my God, it… looks just like the other rooms. I mean, come on, you remember how destroyed that room looked in the original? It was kinda like, Whoa, what happened in here? But because the rest of the castle already looks like architectural clutter, this isn’t the least bit jarring. I dare even say, the West Wing looks nicer than the other rooms in the castle. Dibs on the West Wing! But look out! An angry Beast with hastily rushed lines! Beast: What are you doing here?! What did you do to it?! Belle: Nothing! Beast: Do you realize what you could’ve done? You could’ve damned us all! Get out of here! NC: Seven seconds. From him appearing to her leaving, seven seconds. Don’t get me wrong, the original wasn’t that long either, but, look, they’re absorbing their actions, taking their time. What they say and do actually has weight to it, amounting to at least a bare minimum of thirty seconds. That’s over double the time of this one! You’d think in a longer film, they could’ve expanded on that, but no, they actually make it go quicker! Freakin’ quicker! How does this film somehow go faster AND slower at the same time?! As you’d guess, Belle is cornered by wolves and the Beast saves her. Belle’s incredibly emotional animation is now replaced by a glance down. Oh, be careful, that was a whole facial muscle you just used there! As we cut to, well, something new, at least. Gaston trying to help Maurice find Belle. Gaston: Where is Belle? Maurice: A beast took her and she – Gaston: There are no such things as beasts. NC: I’ll just be honest, I’m not entirely sure what Gaston’s endgame is here. He didn’t believe Maurice, so why did he think he would find Belle? Did he even believe she was gone and not at home? Maybe he’s just trying to get friendly with- Gaston: I will feed you to the wolves! NC: Or maybe not. Gaston: That’s no way to talk to my future father-in-law now, is it? Maurice: You will never marry my daughter. NC: Now kindly help me find her, you clearly well-balanced human being- oh, down I go. So Gaston goes from zero to murder pretty quick, leaving Maurice to be eaten by the wolves. The town begger finds him later and nurses him back to health. I’m not entirely sure where this is all going, but I’ll wait it out to be disappointed. Meanwhile, Belle tends to the Beast’s wounds, as the servants admit they were cursed too because they didn’t help when the Beast’s mean father made him so foul. Mrs. Potts: And his cruel father took that sweet innocent lad and twisted him up to be just like him. We did nothing. NC: We’ll, of course, never see any of that, apart from this pointless flashback of his mother dying, but it’s okay, the more we don’t show the Beauty and the Beast interacting in a movie called Beauty and the Beast, the more things will fall into place. Belle: “…with the eyes but with the mind. Belle/Beast: And therefore is winged Cupid-” NC: Oh yeah, now we’re ten in, I guess we can start having some chemistry now. The other film would only have twenty minutes left. Belle: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite play. Beast: So many better things to read. Belle: Like what? Beast: There are a couple things in here you could start with. NC: Oh, yeah, so the Beast doesn’t give Belle the library to show his thanks and that he understands something she loves, he just accidentally shows it off trying to get her mind off romance. Soo much better! Oh, and here’s an interesting addition- Belle: What happens when the last petal falls? Lumière: We become- Mrs. Potts: Antiques. Cogsworth: Rubbish. NC: Yeah, if the spell is broken, they don’t stay that way, they become actual inanimate objects. *blows air* So… I hate to keep saying this, but, um, in the goddamn original, when they’re doing the song numbers and being friendly, there’s an underlying fear that they’ll stay that way, but they at least have been like that for years; they can survive. Here, they will LITERALLY DIE. Why the freakin’ hell are you singing and dancing? In fact, isn’t Belle kind of selfish knowing this could be their last days and she’s just bonking up with the Beast? Shouldn’t everyone be in an awkward position right now? “Lumière”: Belle, what is wrong? “Belle”: I’m sorry, I just can’t focus on romance right now when this could be your last night alive. “Lumière”: Oh, but we are happy to serve you. There is no pressure to fall in love with the Beast. “Belle”: What? “Lumière”: Oh. Nothing! I didn’t say anything. Oh God, what have I done? “Belle”: Huh, falling in love with the Beast will break the curse? “Lumière”: But you’re not supposed to know that or it’s less likely to happen! “Belle”: No, no… no, that’s fine. I’m glad you told me. I’m just gonna go fall in love with him and not think about it at all. “Lumière”: But the knowledge is just going to get in the way! “Belle”: No! I’m sure I can make this work. I’ll totally, I’ll make it work. You’re right, I can’t make this work, it’s all I can think about! “Lumière”: Oh God, why did I have to tell you?! “Belle”: I just can’t get my mind off of it now! “Lumière”: I don’t even know where the soul of a candlestick goes! Do I have an afterlife or do I just… Just… Oh God! “Belle”: Uh, okay, I’m gonna go invent the toaster or something, I’m so sorry I couldn’t help. “Lumière”: Where does the soul of a candlestick go? Where does the soul of a candlestick go?! NC: We do get a legit nice moment with them talking on a bridge followed by a weird-as-hell moment of her getting sucker punched by a snowball. But we’re given yet another odd addition of finding out that the Beast has a book that can literally, and I guess literarily, take him anywhere. What? Beast: A book that truly allows you to escape. The outside world has no place for a creature like me, but it can for you. NC: So when I’m asleep and you want to escape, you totally can. We just made this even more of a Stockholm movie! They use it to see where Belle’s mother died – – always a romantic spot – – and they never used it again. *sigh* You know, wasn’t that the idea of the mirror? The only window to the outside world? Now that window turned into a goddamn United Air flight! True, they don’t treat dogs well and that could be an issue, but I think you can still go places where there’s little to no people. Isolation, my ass! I’ll gladly get turned into a beast if it means I can literally go anywhere in the world! But nope! Let’s stay here and awkwardly do our ballroom scene that feels more like two third graders being forced to hold hands. Yeah, this scene was pretty romantically laid out in the original, wasn’t it? They make a whole evening out of it, they eat at a table, he learned how to use a spoon, she gets the idea to go dance, but he’s nervous because he clearly doesn’t know how, so she teaches him, and they both become comfortable in each other’s arms, it feels real. It built up to this lovely moment and it feels genuine. Again, all skipped! Just go straight to the ballroom! Go down the stairs, turn right, that’s all people really want to see, just the image, not anything that led up to it. How was this even proposed? If you’re not doing anything tonight, I was hoping we could just go to the ballroom, dance for exactly two minutes, and stare blankly at each other. But it’ll lead to this shot! That means we’re in love now. Great plan, by the way, to have currently one of the greatest living singers in your movie and have Emma Thompson sing your big song. Mrs. Potts: ♫ As the sun will rise ♫ NC: I’m sure McDonald couldn’t top that- McDonald: ♫ Climb ev’ry mountain ♫ NC: God, you’re a bad movie! Belle sees through the mirror, though, that Gaston is having her father locked up. Not to get Belle to marry him, but just to cover his tracks for trying to kill him. That is so much better- wait, that’s bullshit. It’s bullshit! Belle: He’s in trouble! Beast: Then you must go to him. NC: Wow. Again, barely even thought about it. This is actually kind of amazing. Look at the same scene in the good movie – he was told he was dying, he looks at the rose, thinks for a moment, on the verge of tears, he then tells her she can go. He realizes what he’s giving up, but he loves her so much, he’s willing to make the sacrifice. This sounds more like an office favor. Hey, I need a digital copy of this, and Frank is the only one with a scanner. Beast: Then you must go to him. NC: Okay, I’ll CC you on this. Beast: You must go to him. No time to waste. NC: And that’s why I’m having you go on horseback and not the magic book that can take you anywhere and bring him right back, easily solving two problems. But then we couldn’t have the “gimme Oscar” song! Beast: ♫ Now I know she’ll never leave me ♫ NC: Kind of ironic, seeing as how Disney stole the Oscar from Disney. The song itself is okay, despite it not being very well sung, and I’ll even give credit to the “Kill the Beast” song after Belle convinces everyone the Beast is real. Gaston: ♫ Hear him roar, see him foam ♫ ♫ But we’re not coming home ’til he’s dead ♫ NC: It’s well edited, well shot, and keeps the energy very high… for the first half. Gaston: ♫ Call it war, call it threat ♫ ♫ You can bet they all will follow ♫ NC: Yeah, slow horseback riding! I am so amped right now! Mmmm! The climax is pretty standard with comedic slapstick leading up to the showdown between the Beast and Gaston. Belle, of course, arrives, giving him the courage to fight back. Gaston: Don’t let me, Beast. Beast: I am not a beast. NC: Granted, I have no other name in this, even the woman I love calls me Beast, but, I just don’t like the way you say it. Gaston gets one last shot before falling to his death, the living objects are turned into inanimate objects, and Belle confesses her love in… front of the enchantress? That’s right! The beggar woman was the enchantress the whole time! And on top of transforming the Beast and everyone back to normal, well, mostly normal, this blink is weird, What? She also gives the townspeople back their memories. Oh yeah, it looks like some of them had friends and family in that castle that she kept separated for years and years. Mr. Potts: Oh Beatrice! I remember! I do! Oh! NC: This is a goddamn messed up lady! She’s gonna punish the servants with death if the Beast doesn’t fall in love, she erased all memory of government, kept families apart, pretty much altered this entire world, and for what? So they could learn overcoming prejudice comes down to beastly violence? So she could let another selfish asshole ruin things while she watches and does nothing? That dude served in war too, why wasn’t he given the Beast treatment rather than just watching him die? Her secretly viewing this doesn’t make her an all-knowing angel, it makes her a freakin’ psychopath! She’s a goddamn psychopath! This movie is messed up! But, happily ever after, I guess. Tee hee, ha ha, everyone’s so happy, just forget the mayhem and terror that bestowed us… Christ. Madame de Garderobe: ♫ Tale as old as time ♫ NC: And look, the best singer actually gets the finishing song- Hup, not quite. Mrs. Potts: ♫ Famine turns to feast ♫ ♫ Nature points the way ♫ NC: Shaddup, McDonald, you’ve got this voice to contend with – Emma Thompson: *high-pitched gibberish sounds* NC: But she got the last note, bitches! And that was… really hard to get through. The original is a classic telling of a timeless story. This is just a remake. A remake that doesn’t understand what made the original story so powerful. While it’s shorter and arguably simpler, every choice plays a part in driving the characters’ motivations. The emotions feel justified and earned. This one just changes things that don’t need to be changed, didn’t add enough to make it its own thing, and sped up parts that needed to remain slow. It’s as if the story is still there but the wrong parts are focused on., leading to something that looks familiar but feels false. If you enjoy it, more power to you, but I can tell you, this is a Beast I don’t think I can ever learn to love. Thank you for watching Disney’s Live Action Remake Month and I gotta tell you, after seeing all these animated classics turn into these live action abominations, I gotta see some cartoon that’s put to live action done right. *Woody Woodpecker call* That’s not it, is it? ♫ Nostalgia Critic credits music ♫ Belle/Tina: ♫ Ooohhh ♫ / Uuuhhhhh Hey, Doug Walker here, doing the Charity Shoutout and this week we are doing 2 Seconds or Less. 2 Seconds or Less is an organization dedicated to ending childhood malnutrition with its sustainable solutions to hunger. They put nutrition gardens at government schools and educate on nutrition and farming to empower children to break the cycle of poverty both at home and around the world. Growth in agriculture has at least twice the potential impact of any other sector for reducing poverty around the world. It has the ability to support livelihood through sustainable income generation and holistic healthcare. Through this program’s work, students learn that to grow up and become a farmer is not a desperate end, but a hopeful beginning. If you look at their site and their YouTube page, you can see all the children being helped and all the people who work day and night to make sure they have the strength and energy they need for the future. Click on the link and see what you can do to help a small child in a big way.

Written by Brian Rohrer

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